WHAT WE HAVE HERE...SO FAR

 

NOW IS ALL WE HAVE AND ALL WE WILL EVER POSSESS      Friday, 20 October 2023

“With peach blossoms ahead of me and snow behind me, how dare I turn my horse back now?”—Chinese Poet.

John Wesley, the founder of the Methodist church, wrote, "What one generation tolerates, the next generation will embrace."

         Whatever the ___ that was. Heaven/Hell? Real/Imagined?

‘Girl, that was idiotic!’ Where were we? What were we? WHY?! What was it all about? A chorale sings in high registering voices, A cappella, “This was what it was, your life, ooo-aaah.” THE END.

         You never had free will? You were just a capsule for feeling thought and were indubitably all along the way, TOLD what was, but you thought on your own too, and you didn’t like a lot of it.

         Truly, a tonne was enjoyable and maybe on balance a measure that could be perceived as equal, but it’s not in this view. It’s not possible to remove one’s outlook to get a glimpse. There’s really no way of knowing. One can suspect, however. A person can guess, this is true, and hope that it is, all things considered, somewhere removed, out. Over there, looking over. But we are not granted that here/now. Here in the mix, the skin itches. Now on our arms and then sides of the belly. Upon waking all is calm. There’s darkness and peace. No storm. Very little noise. One smack plank of a newspaper (imagined), hitting on the driveway of our neighbours’ house. But no knowledge this is true. There is no more news. It’s just noise and the mind if you’re aware of the way. The way is acceptance, for what is. Otherwise, it’s madness and everyone knows this. But it’s tricky. How to accommodate? Acclimate? To be an observer as the mind and senses go through whatever all is, they will.

         {{ You’d do better to thank GOD for the PAIN than to complain and ask for it to cease, so you can have a better life. Thank GOD you have PAIN. }}

         We’re all stupid and we will die. If we were all smart, we would still die but maybe we would have a better go in life. Maybe happy and content? Or maybe not. With greater knowledge comes greater vexation, right? Then hang the sense. Let it go. But how can we? Why would not a sentient being try to make what is, better? Ease. Less pain, discomfort, confusion. Why not dilute, vying for what seems reasonable, logical, best, in any given? Why not? Why wouldn’t you? “Then we are stupid and we will die.” -Pris, BLADE RUNNER, film from 1983. Is that correct? How long do I have? Who cares? Let us make the best of what is. Don’t waste time trying to prolong. It is out of our control to the major extent. Make the best of here and now, here, and now. Because it is really all we have or know that we know we have. And what do we have really? ANYTHING? What do we have? Perceptions. “You have nothing in your hands, what power you have comes from somewhere far beyond.” Jesus said to Pontius Pilot in Jesus Christ Superstar, the movie. (In the Musical as well?)

         Are we all, because, how are we not(?), all FACETS of goD? GOD-god-looking, seeing, being aware? Is this not what is?

         “Please always know that I love you more than anything else in the world” –NOTEBOOK from Korea.

         Didn’t want consciousness. But we have. Wanted sleep-unconsciousness, but we don’t have. Have hunger now. Did go to the bathroom. The light out now is bright and getting more so. None of our ritual ‘nadar desnudo’. We’ll go swimming later, inside a specially built suit of black nylon shorts. We may eat, but not until after swimming. We may get to write, but don’t know how much we’ll be able to accomplish. Can we marry notes we started in the bathroom notebook and type write on the laptop in Word what we have here? Will it all make sense? I wanted to. But what do we have? There were other things to say. Over the days of consciousness, philosophic ideas ranged, coalesced, and cohered. We thought we had something. What was growing? Loss? Is/Was, what it all is? All of losing and being acclimated(?)

IF as we assume, life is just something over there, then why the INTENSITY of it HERE? What is with that? We demand to know the purpose. Why is that? I don’t know. Why ask why, when obviously we’ll never know? Do we know this? We do not. We don’t know, either way. THAT, WE DO “KNOW”. We know that we don’t know, whether we like it, or can endure it, or not.

         Recently this fella released a study that said We Don’t Have Free Will. Maybe we do. Perhaps we don’t. A lot of the deals we make or things that are, occur as a result of a tonne of excess baggage we’re loaded with at outset. But we can undermine them, can’t we? We can circumvent some things, certainly. We could kill ourselves to prevent that unknown, ‘out of our hands,’ death thing, right? Nothing to laugh about or encourage, I’d venture. A very serious personal thing to be sure. I’m certain though, some people are more pro/con, on the idea due to genes and other factors out of our control…so, again, it’s leading to the ‘there’s no free will,’ argument, is it not? And, today too, some folks released a study that indicates or is telling us, that of people who live past/beyond certain ages, their BLOOD has “certain” properties…so, AGAIN, right there, I’d say, it’s out of our hands, especially on that score. Not everyone gets or even wants to be a Magician or Fighter of Fires. They say, (These nebulous ‘others’, collectively ‘entitled’ “THEY”.), persistently  harp on us endlessly, with conviction, that, ‘we can be who/whom or whatever we want to be’…I do not consider it sagacious. It’s just not so. Besides, what would it look like? Who would milk the cows or fill the sausages, if all we had were ballerina clowns with beards and red lipstick?

         I was born a man. Some folks are born as women. They face menses, right? Got to have a fallopian tube to be a woman, correct? Chicks with dicks? Not women. It’s clear some people are troubled, and that again is genetic, I’d say, for starters. And then too, their upbringing or lack thereof. Whatever their environment dictates. Pun? Well, what about what is in the WATER? Anything there? Jack D. Ripper, going to be proactive and initiate the strike? Like Dr. Strangelove? Strange Love Indeed! What good will that do? If we look around, hard enough, deep, carefully, it seems we are able to detect legions of civilisations…using this term “loosely,” to be certain, that have come and gone and have gone due to great violence in either their ways/wars, or the world’s own cyclical closed system biosphere. We’re stupid, repeatedly. We will die.

         YOU DON’T REALLY know exactly what it is that occurs when you die and so you guess. You theorize, pose hypotheticals. You make feature length documentary films. Interviewing people who have ‘technically’ died, and they have STORIES TO TELL!!! This is more or less, all there is to it, because unless you die, you really don’t know. More to the point, not one person living does. ‘To conquer death, you only have…to…die.’ -Jesus, Jesus Christ Superstar, (Again!) We all die. That is about all there is to knowing anything about it. A faith-based assumption comes into being, to play. It is we hope that…but really, we cannot comprehend. There is no way of knowing until we ‘actually’ die. But it is certain, we die. That is about all there is to it. (So far.)

         We know others who have. We see and know of those who go. And for all of it, we’re left behind as it were. They leave us. We, stay ‘here’, for whatever it is. Whatever reason…and, for that matter, they ‘leave’, for pretty much the same ‘unknown’. Beyond of course the usual extant, long-time illness, all of a sudden, blah-la-lah.

         Not everyone wakes up 2 days later, not having their legs broken like most of the people placed in caves with rocks rolled in front of the openings back then…yeah. Broke their legs. Not for Jesus. They didn’t break his legs. Anyone know just why that was? Why was it standard operating procedure to break the legs of crucifixion experiencers? Did some, like Lazarus, who also didn’t have his bones crushed, wasn’t crucified, just go for a walk after the cave respite? Breaking the bones would certainly nix that, eh? There’s no way anyone with broken legs would be able to yawn, stretch the gams and then hop on a boat at the shore and sail to Japan for some denouement over there, eh? No sirree!!

        Can we change? Can we alter the givens of what we have who we are and move to what we desire? Can we do this despite or even because of the physical pain we're having and of course care not one whit for (we wish even would leave and be gone forever of course) but we suspect it'll only get worse as the days and years go by and finally when we're free of "whatever" we don't won't can't be able to enjoy it...as a kind of irony, because life is too full. Full of it. Everything. Damn. Shame. Damn shame. It's a damn shame, isn't it?

        Serenity. It is the knowing of changing what we can, like that prayer, eh? Accepting that which we cannot. And wisdom is to know the difference. Not keep battering our heads against the solid brick walls in/of life, hurting ourselves and most likely others around us in the process.

         Maybe this is all just a story to tell, an entertainment while we’re here, because certainly it’s not realistic to assume even that while we can locate and suss and figure and construe some things, and be quite spot on, correct and true, it goes without saying that it’s most probably so that we’re only unearthing what has been before and certainly if even believed or carried on, will be lost and or forgotten in time, only to be…you see where we’re going with this? It’s not a long version of a suicide note. No. It’s not that. It’s lamentable but not a lament. It’s not a precursor for what is going to happen “after”, other than that we will die. But hope is not at our own doing. Not by our hands, as it were. Hope not. Hope that what will be so is that we’ll just leave one fine day. Boomp. The End. Nothing more, nothing more. Certainly so.

Because we, you, I, cannot add to this. We cannot remove and some how make better what already is. Nope. We conceive not. Seems clear there is nothing else other than but what is. You deal with it as best you’re able, given the tools and talents you have, and with them, you strive and struggle with the givens and choices you make as best you’re able. Guilt Free you hope, because really…you didn’t as far as you know, choose to be here. How can we any of us really be so charged with crimes? Aren’t we all in our own way innocent? Sure, there are rules and laws to physics and society, and we impose what we’re able onto each other in order to be…get along…exist…for the time. But really, what else otherwise is there? There’s nothing. We’re on our own. We’re with GOD. GOD is with us, and really, how can we not be part of it? Faces Of It. Be still and know that I am God. What is that? What is it?

         A judgment an assessment, for what? What is ‘after’? What, fornicating with a thousand virgins? There’s no reason for sex in the afterlife…if there even is one. It’s ridiculous. There was created sex here for procreation…to replicate, reproduce. Make more. And many do/have, and continue, for inexplicable reasons, it seems, when faced with the stupidity of the species. We’re idiots, that’s clear. Dumb…I wish we were. Many of us could be silenced and it would be nice. Stupid, because we don’t have the sense which should be common, communicated throughout the lands oceans and say, peace. Peace be unto you. And unto you, peace. Yeah, right. Sure. How’s that working out for us? Not so much. Not so much at all.

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              7.29.2023

         IT BOTHERS me but not as much as it bothers me more that it seems we’ve failed as a person, a human being, that has procured or generated his own fears, to keep from living life to the full, and one is to try to live life as best one is able, to the fullest extent possible, right?

         One is born or put on this wonky glutinous orb for bravery, yes? Face the odds, and everything like this, right? Face fear and say, “I don’t fear you!” You’re not supposed to sulk or slink or slither along to create fear and subsequently not live.

         Ironically, we for the most part, until I got older, have considered that we are, or we have been, quite clever in life, and how to live it. But of course, as the game goes, where one makes gobs of the filthy lucre, that all of us desires to have teem, or that we light out for territorially, making so much of it, that one has only big money problems, and none of the ‘well, we can’t afford that, this, the other, so we’re going to have to learn to live without’, we have been an absolute grade A-1 disaster artist! Yeah. NO, I mean, we’re a failure in the money-making hand over fist not a worry whatsoever. Pull the ladder up, Jake. I’m all right!!

         But, so what? The REAL DEAL of life is all off the clock unrecorded hours of incidences, where one smiles, waves, laughs. He who holds doors open for a stranger. Waits in the parking lot and waves the other person to the spot. Does so just because. Not considering an “Atta Boy!!” For no good reason, whatsoever. That’s the real prime time deal prize at the end of the road in middle of the minute right here and now. The truth in how to live life in FULL. To be a good influence as it were. And to for of by this, well, I think we’ve gone a long way in it. We’ve done a fair job as it were, if we do say so, and obviously we do/have.

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         AND we all know that life and living in life is more than just a sum of its parts. It’s more complicated than that… We know that it’s a showcase for pieces and people and places in it. We know of the wonders and awe so incredibly gob-smacking powerful to be barely acceptable in its presence…the GOD moments as it were…beautiful passes in time where one tears up with overwhelming gratitude. We know it. We KNOW. But it is about all there is to know.

         Yeah, life defined is rather like loading of the turd motif into a trust fund, watching the ponderous elephantine leviathan beast make and excrete, for the inevitable crunch at the end.

         Sure, lay down your life for your fellow being in sacrifice. The poor youth does willingly for the idiotic general at another end for some stupid reasonings we’ll never comprehend. The fighter of conflagrations too must be honoured by their heroic deeds, of course, the doctors, nurses, etc., for their parts as well. And although we don’t have awards banquets and shows for people who take out your garbage, maybe we should. THINK, why do we care about awards programmes with rich people giving one another slaps? They play heroes, but so what? Who cares if people who have sex with animals are included in this life? We should pay for their medical and disability insurance? Pay for their parades and honor their shows with T-shirts, Banners and Stickers? They’re people too, we suppose…but so what if someone has an ethnicity that’s different? They require a special compensation or day off or should have banks closed for holiday? No. People are different. It’s absolutely no question about it fantastic and terrific and wonderful for sure. No doubt. Great! We’re different as well. We don’t require a holiday. We don’t need a bank to cease operations for us periodically. Nope. In fact, we require it OPEN. We would love to have the kiosk work for us after hours. It doesn’t in some places now because the ‘disenfranchised’ come in and utilize the facilities as a temporary housing shelter. Have to stop that nonsense, now don’t we? Of course. No more afterhours kiosk. Moral Kiosk indeed. Go scratch your sandals elsewhere, thank you very much. No magic pillow for you!

         Jesus said, “I am the way and the truth and the life” in the good news according to John. The way to God, fine. To live and then set yourself up for death by suicide as an innocent, by the State? No thank you. Being a witness, yes. Martyr, in the sense your life is sacrificed for something? No, I don’t see it for us. At least, I hope it does not come to be. The word martyr means witness. Hope is, it doesn’t mean living witlessly. I mean, I would not want to live and know not about my death in the sense that here I am living in the world, and it is changing, moving on beyond us too rapidly even as the slow world churns…does it? The proverbial Frog in the Pot of H2O. The story goes that, you could boil it, have a nice Amphibian stew, if you gradually increase the temperature, without its noticing. YIKES! How horrific, horrible. Horror Show for sure. What a ‘hollow’ ween tale to tell, indeed!! Is it high time we all of us ween our selves off the tit of state, and tell it NO MORE BOMBS? Stop It, RIGHT NOW!! Unequivocally, it must be. How do we change all of this? Must we be sad complicit strangers in this nonsense of machinery that like we fear of Arty-Functional Unintelligence (Lack of GOD given intelligence and induced intuition.), reliant on other means for creativity or creatively generating work-life people can rely upon?

         I want to make my own stuff up. I want to live in a country that doesn’t say and then do things a people involved with don’t want done. I don’t want us to kill. We’re killing. WHY? Can we not stop it? Can it not be stopped? What has to be done? Must we all protest? Must we all be slaughtered like people with differing beliefs in an arena show? Why can’t we go beyond all this? What is it going to take? How does it get changed? Can it be?

         I feel as if I’m a stupid person in a lame fuck-a-round circle of my own machinations, just posing endless idiosyncratic nonsense over and over, with no real purpose. No ‘end’ in sight. But they tell me I’ll die one day. If I don’t care for myself, I’ll die ‘earlier’ as it were. Okay. So, what does all of this or any ‘thing’ mean or matter anyway? Is it really something that I read in a book which told us, heaven is all around you. Well, Jesus, I guess you meant as well that, it’s obvious that hell is all around us as well, because, depending on the view, the framework, one can see that a glass of water is either half empty or half completely full…and or it does indeed runneth over. But so what? It’s all dependent upon our ‘needs’. We’ll ‘suffer’ wanting to get away from pain or desiring love of some ‘thing’ person, place of whatever, what have you, over there. We suffer or get a journey of life in either case. We’ll ‘experience’ it. Consider ourselves lucky.

         Like to say one is fortunate when one has a Cricket in one’s home. Well, one doesn’t have a Tiger outside one’s gate. The former’s good luck. The latter, bad. Right? Is not it so? Is it not so?

         I mean to say, is it so that, ultimately, nothing matters? Nothing is the matter. NO ‘thing’ is the matter. The meaningful, most, thing. VOID. Nothingness. Empty. NON. Nothing. That that is the ‘The’?

 I don’t know. Can’t say or tell definitively. Until one is, no “one” no ‘thing’, one will not be able to ascertain if it is true or not. HERE, one “IS”. That is all one ‘knows’. Because one can’t live on the premise there’s a paradise after or a hell either. No way. I can see where there’s the control factor…that it’s an opiate of the masses. I can completely understand why one would say that. But why would you want to? Why can’t you leave people alone? Because they’re stupid and cannot possibly be trusted? Is this any reason why not to try to be good? Is there any reason why one should try to control others to be good with to for of by one another? That’s what the laws and codes and regulations and stipulations, oaths and everything else and otherwise is all about, isn’t it? People trying amidst impossibility, to be better or the best possible, for easing suffering, to make things easier…and though people try their best, failure is still present. Heaven and Hell. And all any one of us can do is watch really. We participate as we are able…those that do and are genetically we supposed inclined…because there are plenty who are not predisposed to give a tinker’s cuss…for anyone or thing but self. And a person can’t control it. Maybe it all is about loss and letting it all go is what living the best life a person can do/be is all about.